When Letting Go Feels Impossible, Try This Instead

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Welcome to The Open Hand. A different way of letting go.

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I'm Steven Webb. And Just allow yourself to become comfortable.

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Allow your body to settle in.

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You can sit, lie down or whatever your body feels like right now.

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And I want you to stay quite alert if possible.

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There's no perfect position for this.

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And your body knows how to relax, if we just allow the body to relax.

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Allow your shoulders

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and your arms and your fingers.

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And while you're allowing the body to relax, just become aware of your breath.

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Breathing in calm,

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breathing out relaxed.

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You don't need to do anything with your breath.

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Your body's got all that in hand.

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Just the same as relaxing when we allow the body to do it.

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Our only job right now is to be aware of what's happening.

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Where are my voice.

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Aware of the room.

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Aware of your muscles relaxing.

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Just aware that your whole body and your breath is slowly relaxing and slowing down.

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And it's doing it all naturally.

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You can gently close your eyes if you haven't done already. Or just soften your gaze a few feet in

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front of you.

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And just before we move into the actual practice,

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I just want to talk a little bit, a little Dharma talk about the difference between acceptance and letting go.

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But

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we just treat this as a intro to the meditation.

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So just be aware of what I'm saying and your breath. And

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there's a phrase that comes up in meditation and in life. Let go. Let go of your thoughts.

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Let go of your worries. Let go of your tension. And I've used it myself in some of the teaching.

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But

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today I want to explore something a little different with you.

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Because I think there's a more honest and more helpful way to find this peace that many of us are

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longing for in this crazy busy world.

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And here's what I've noticed, both in my own practice and working with many others. When someone tells you that

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you've got to let go of something, what actually happens in your mind?

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Your brain has to grab hold of it first.

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And the one thing you want to do is get rid of it. But we have to bring it to

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mind. It

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has to be located. It has to be focused on.

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And when we wonder whether we let go or something we have to bring it back into focus to see

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if we've stopped thinking about it.

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It's a bit like telling someone, whatever you do, don't think of a red balloon.

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There you go.

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So let's try a small experiment together. Right

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now I want you to think of something that's been on your mind recently. It

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doesn't have to be the biggest thing in your life to let go. Just something that's been niggling you. A

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worry or confusion A

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conversation that didn't go well perhaps. Something quite unresolved.

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So when you've got it, good. Now I want you to try to let it go. Push it away. Tell

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yourself I'm letting go of this thought. Really try. Put some effort into it.

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Force it out your mind completely.

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Has it gone?

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So how did that go? And

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if you're like most people, the thought is still there. We have to check in to see whether the thought's

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gone and maybe even more vivid than even before.

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The subconscious mind and the body now thinks it's even more important.

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And now there's a second layer on top of it. The frustration of not being able to get rid of

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it. You try to let go.

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We've done it before and the

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grip gets tighter.

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And just before we move to the practice, here's why. When you think a thought just a few seconds

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your body responds and emotion arises. Maybe a tightness of the chest and not in your stomach, a

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heaviness behind your eyes. That's

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not just in your head that's a real physical pathway and it's been formed every time. It's chemistry,

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it's biology. It's what the body does.

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Trying to force it away is like trying to unring a bell.

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So if letting go doesn't quite work, what does?

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Acceptance.

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And here's the difference. Letting go says, get rid of this.

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Acceptance says, this is here. I see you. You can stay.

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It sounds counterintuitive. Why would you invite an uncomfortable thing to stay?

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Remember the moment you stopped fighting it? Something remarkable happens. The tension around it begins to soften.

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Not

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because you forced it, but because you stopped adding fuel to it.

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The struggle was the fuel. Take

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that away and what's left? Just what is. And

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let me show you what I mean. So bring your attention back to your breath.

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Breathing in calm, breathing out relax.

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Allow your body to relax because by now your shoulders are probably tensed a little.

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We don't need to put much effort into this. We just allow this moment to be.

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And now generally I'd like you to bring back that same thought you had for a moment ago. The

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niggling thing. The worry or frustration and

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Let it come. Don't chase it. Just let it arrive.

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Like someone knocking on your door, I guess.

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And now notice what happens in your body.

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Where do you feel it?

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Is there a tightness somewhere, a warp a heaviness?

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Maybe it's in your chest, maybe your jaw.

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Maybe there's a tightening somewhere in your jaw or your shoulders.

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Don't judge it. Don't try to change it.

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Just notice.

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Now, instead of trying to push this feeling away and adding more tension to it, I want you to just

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do something different.

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I want you to turn towards it.

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Just generally.

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Like you turn towards a friend who's upset.

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Not to fix them, but just to sit with them. And

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say quietly in your mind, I see you.

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You're here.

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And that's okay.

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Notice what happens. You might feel the sensation shift slightly. It might soften. It might move.

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It might stay exactly where it is. All of that is fine.

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You're not trying to change it. You're just being with it.

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Now let's try the other approach again.

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Just briefly so you can feel the contrast.

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Take that same feeling and try to push it away.

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Clench against it. Tell yourself, I don't want this. Go

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away. I'm letting go of you.

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Can you feel that? Feel how your body tenses up. Feel how the struggle creates its own kind of

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its own power and its own strength.

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The tightness isn't coming from the original thought. It's coming from the resistance. From

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that little tug of war that you've declared in your own experience.

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It's like you're the one pulling both ends.

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Now let that effort go. Stop pushing. And come back to the open approach.

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Soften your jaw. Soften your shoulders. Let

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your hands relax. And

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say again quietly, this

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is here. I

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see you. And that's okay.

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Now imagine your hands in your mind's eye.

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And that just means imagining you seeing your hands in your head. And

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see them clenched up

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into tight fists.

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That's what the forcing feels like.

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All that energy spent gripping, holding, and pushing. And

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now slowly see those fists open. Those hands open finger by finger. Until the palms are

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facing upward, open and soft. Not

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throwing anything away. Not clenching anymore.

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And this is acceptance. It's not giving up. It's not saying the situation is fine or that your feelings

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don't matter. It's simply choosing in this moment to stop adding struggle to whatever's here. And

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in that choice, something loosens. Something breathes. Something frees up.

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Now let the thought drift into the background. You

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don't need to push it just You don't need to hold it either you

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let your attention gently return to your body. To

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the weight of you sitting or lying here. To

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your breath to Moving in and moving out of his own space

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you feel your hands again your real hands wherever they are notice that they've softened during this practice

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you may notice if there's a little more ease in your fingers or

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your forearms

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And notice your chest or your belly. Is there a little more space than

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when you started?

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Even just a fraction.

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The space wasn't created by force, it was just an opening to this moment, an acceptance.

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And let's rest together for a moment in this stillness, in this acceptance. There's

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nothing to fix, nothing to force, nothing to let go of.

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I will keep an eye on the time.

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There is just this, you, breathing, being here.

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And as I come back from five, we'll

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just come back to the room. So five, four, just gently shake out your arms, wiggle your fingers. Three,

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just gently open your eyes. Two, look around. And one, just take a little deeper breath and feel like

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you're really present back here now.

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So you'll notice the difference between trying to let something go, trying to force it and just allowing it to

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be what it is. And it takes less control over your body. It takes less control over you. It takes

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a lot less effort. And eventually your body just lets it go anyway. That's

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where the peace lives. Not in the prisoner way in the opening up.

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Thank you for practicing with me and take care of yourself. And just a reminder that these meditations are brought

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to you free by the people that donate and support me, just by donating for a coffee. Just head

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over to StevenWebb.uk my other podcast, Stillness in the Storms, and many other links, and you can contact me.

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And perhaps you've got an idea for a meditation yourself. Take care and thank you

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StevenWebb.uk Bye for now.